| the end |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|11:25 pm] |
a lot of people have been telling me recently that i should do sometin that i should have done but its practically impossible. its like they said in some movie wen the end comes you think about the begining. i have to say my years at high school have been filled with misconceptions and misunderstandings and so called drama. However wat exactly is labeled drama. i guess its sometin that you just dont want to hear about but there is still that lil urge to find out wats goin on. but i see that certain things can not be undone. no matter how badly you want to explain and fix things. wat happened happened and i believe that is for the best. i kept this live journal for my high school complaining and my high school outlet. now that im out this has got to be my final entry at least in this account.
i guess wat im trying to say is sorry and i meant no harm for anyone. even to those that deserve it. i tried to stay away from certain issues and certain people but the image that i have created in high school follows me. the image of being a liar. a depressed phsyco. an asshole. the things i have done wit all honesty have been done to get my self away from certain things, certain "dramas". the things i have done was to get away from certain things that were causing me slight hurt and i think its reasonable for a guy to get away from sometin hurtful. the certain hatred i get is not because i have done sometin to certain people but from wat i said. words count less for actions and hopefully by my actions i might seem as someone that is in complete solitude affecting no one or anything. at least thats wat i was trying to get at. all that i wanted from the world was to be happy. i gave no unhappiness to anyone and i didnt take anything from anyone. all i did was to get away at any means necessary. even wen i droped everything. there are still those lingering misconceptions and misunderstandings and supposedly lies. i guess wat i trying to do is just rid myself from these thoughts. these thoughts that kept making want to speak and explain and say srry but i just kept shut hoping notin else can go wrong but there are still those crooked looks and side remarks. i wanted to wait until it all ended to post because i wont ever see any of these people again. im srry all i want is to be happy. and now that i found it i hope poeple will understand i mean no harm to anyone. especially to the one person i love. so please don;t give any bad looks or remarks. just be friends to those you supposedly say you are friends to. don't question them or their decision or judge anyone by wat they bark but by wat they do. im not an evil guy lol. i just drift away seemingly appearin to be bad. freak me but im srry. and i wish you all the best. congrats to everyone!!! byes |
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| I JUST DID THE CRAZIEST SHIT OF MY LIFE AND IT FEELS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|12:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
the rush the suspense and the pain on my ass while sittin on the window ledge. climbing down a thin ladder from the second floor out of my bedroom window(dead scared of heights) drivin in the middle of the night without a license. leg shakin making my car go back and forth.
all of it is worth it just for one hug. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
why do i hurt girls? maybe Janice was right i am a jerk and an asshole who is two faced. i let outisde forces push me around. i let other things control me. and i blame others for doin that. maybe jennie was right. im just too depressed everytime. i think everyone is out to get me.maybe edyna is right that im just too weird maybe joseph is right. im just too fuckin stupid and stubborn. why do i make others feel completely different than wat they truely are just to satisfy my own faults and wrongs. WHY AM I SO IMPATIENT!!!!!!!!! the reason i cant get wat i want is because i push them away like i said not out of fear but because im selfish and i want them so bad. maybe me and joseph are close friends because hes just tolerate of the stupid shit i do to him. he knows how i am and wen im pissed at him he noes im not and its other shit. but hes too much of a pussy to fight me back. he lets me push him around.
why did i hurt her. it satified me. it satified me because my life is shit. i let my life control me. I let my anger out on others and those who are close to me because im immature and i have no control. i have no judgement and i dont comeout truely as i am. these are my flaws. i think i found whoi rlly am. i think i found why i truely am a loner. why i prefer to be alone. why i choose not to get attached to girls.
since no one reads this i can admit that today i've cried for the first time since i was 6.
not even wen my mom died did i cry. and now that i realized who i am and wat i have done to the one person i care for so much has just driven me to that point. to the point that i consider myself less than anything else in the world and how dare i make other ppl feel the same way. how dare i make jessica cry over me
over me!!!
someone not even worth to look at. why did she like me. why does anyone like someone who is a hypocrite and is satisfied in being that.
i let shit get to me and i pay for it. why did i make her cry!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|09:56 pm] |
so today was a hell of a day literally it was like 102 degrees and my hair felt like it was on fire. and joseph and me bein the smart ones go and play baseball. and even being more smarter i climb on his back to get some balls on the roof of this buildin in the park. and he almost fainted. so wat if i got a lil heavier. and umm then i went to soccer practice wit xavier and magno and yea that wasnt smart either. we came bak home.
oh and joseph the mouse hunter caught me a mouse in my house. ok so its been a month since i was in my house and it needs a lil cleaning. but joseph said it was clean |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|09:24 pm] |
so today i had a rest day away from the workin out the soccer and the pervertedness of joseph. recently me and him been chillin alot and its pretty awesome cuz all my other summers were fuckin lonely. so now i have a buddy to come and drink all my water. so yea today was my thinking day and i realized shit im a senior. that means college and then a life and jobs and wife(maybe not) and then like problems and i started to panic and then im like shit im hungry. so i ate and then i was bak to the thinking. so now im like crap wat do i do and i started lookin up for scholarships and then i looked through my mail and boom! my sat scores that i opened a few days ago wit joseph. and then i started to cry. my scores were horrible. the math was like a 700 but my writing and readin were horrible. I HATE ENGLISH
y cant there be another languege to study. Y ENGLISH. its stupid doesnt make sense and the words are all stupid. i got like a 460 and a 490 and it was sad. i cant even speak english non the less write it. do u realize how much grammatical errors are in this entry. and im trying to write good.
ok not really but my english is bad
so yea slowly my hope of goin to college is slipping. and to think bak in elem. sch. i used to think i would get into yale or harvard. i would have harvard banners up. straight honor rolls every cycle for 7 years john hopkins gifted kids and then the last cycle i didnt get any of that cuz i got a c in english
and thats wen im like crap. english is hard.
so yea i might end up goin to ECC and to think im being stupid enough to blame all of this on one person that isnt me. like i really want to burn this person and make that person die for wat i blindly think made me lazy blind and forget about my studys. to be soooooooooo caught up in her and forget about everything and AHHHHHHH. but yea i have no one to blame but myself. ok maybe on her but mostly on me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|09:38 pm] |
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. |
× I don't watch much TV these days. (i read) |
✓ I own lots of books. (started readin alot since my sat scores were horrible for english) |
| ✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (glasses more. im a geek lol) |
× I love to play video games. (sure...) |
✓ I've tried marijuana. (umm yea... lol) |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. (joseph no comment) |
✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (yup didnt want to but it was hard) |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (and communication) |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (alot my english is limited) |
× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (nope) |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (yea sure...) |
( it goes on... ) |
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| my vacation wrap up. pretty boring. |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|08:01 pm] |
well im bak notin much to say. my vacation was alrite. the best part was the ride bak where i met a very awesome person. but ecuador was cool. my step mother and brother stayed there. and i rode a horse to the top of a mountain. which wasnt that tall but my ears popped so it was pretty high. and umm. i went to el teleferiqo which is like a cable car that goes to the top of a really really tall mountain and u see the whole city of quito and it was scary. i went wit a few friends and they were all shitting their pants. and umm i went to ibarra and went to the lake near ibarra which i forgot the name of it but i got this awesome necklace for jessica which i forgot in ecuador. theres an awesome story behind it but yea too long. umm i went to this waterfall and i stood on top of it and u saw down pretty scary. my friend jumped off since he goes there everytime and hes like ahhh no deal. fucking moron. then i went to guayaquil and thats where my step and brother stayed. with her family. and then alausi. the best fucking town out of all ecuador which was egh. umm chilled wit my other friends there. well not really friends more like aquantances sp* some of them were good friends that i've known for quite a while. for some reason i controlled myself. i wasnt crazy. i didnt even danced that much. and as everyone knows I LOVE TO DANCE. lol umm lets see met some old friends and old relationships that brought bak weird memories. and umm thats it i guess. i always smoke wen i go to ecuador but this year i didnt smoke. i only smoked cigarrettes which was weird. this year was extremely different. i guess the thought that my brother just left made me all weird. i didnt drink wit my friends that much in fact we were on this hill and i didnt drink more than one beer. i just spent the night thinking and watching the town. i went to the clubs like every other summer danced but very lil. didnt feel like dancing or doing anything. it was like someone was stoppin me. even my cousin was like wtf is wrong wit u. he got worried brought lots of beer back to the house and i told him everything. and that day i drank my fucking brains off. i wanted to forget everything all the drama misunderstandings lies and misintrepertations sp* and all the bull thats goin on. and i think i have. ppl say its imposible to forgive and forget. i dont see it. i mean i didnt forgive, notin to forgive about in fact i should be sayin srry but i forgot alot alot. i even forgot english and im speaking spanish like a costeño thats someone from the coast we call them monkies. lol. well yea my spanish changed i forgot english wit other things along wit it. left alot in ecuador. alot. oh and i got shitloads of gifts for my dudes and dudets here but i forgot them wit jessicas necklace. i got joseph a bracelet. I got xavier this bag i got mike a head band lol. boniek a lil guy wit a dick in his hands hes like a lil elf lmao just thought it fitted him. lol. i got paula a necklace. sam a bracelet. and i forgot them all wit two pairs of socks and my good pants. oh and my razor. i started to grow a mustache in ecuador lmao. i didnt get laid. i didnt do anything crazy. i didnt hook up wit anyone. just a lil peck wit a girl on the plane and in alausi. umm and i drank out of melancholy and my heart for the first time to the point i cried which i havent in years. i couldnt touch my nose this time and i went past the point that joseph was a goddess. i considered him brad pitt which every girl agrees is more than a god.
not glad to be back. came bak for just a very few ppl. u no who u guys r. and im bak to the old erik sadly. no big change havent gotten less ugly. did get a lil taller. oh and i got blacker lol. spent alot of time in guayaguil and outside so im dark. even though the sun over there doesnt burn that much. im really sorry u guys that i forgot ur gifts. felt shitty wen i came back opened my bag and notin was there and i couldnt find my pants or my socks. or maybe someone took them during the flight but then again who would take my socks. |
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| my school year was 84 % perfect |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|11:14 pm] |
[x]skipped class?
[x]DETENTION
[x]hugged someone in school?
[]started a rumor?
[]gotten suspended?
total: 3
***********************
[] cried in school
[x] wish you could take something back
[x] made new friends
[x] gone to a dance
total: 3
*************************
[x] watched a football game
[x] watched a soccer game
[x] watched a baseball game
[x] watched a volleyball game
[]watched a tennis match
[x] watched a softball game
[x] watched a basketball game
total:6
*****************************
[X] stood up for someone being made fun of
[x] broken up with someone in school
[x] fought with a teacher
[x] got kicked out of class
[x] got sent to the office for getting in trouble
total: 5
*****************************
[x] got a 100% on a test
[x] walked to school
[x] drove to school
[x] got dropped off at school
[x] heard a rumor about yourself
total: 5
****************************
[x] had something illegal at school
[x] missed school when you weren't sick
[x] failed a test
[] failed a class
total: 3
*******************************
[x] made up some lame excuse for homework not being done i
[x] the teacher believed your lame excuse
[x] crushed on a teacher
[] hit on a teacher
[x] hated a teacher
total: 4
**********************************
[x] was involved with a sport
[] on student council
[x] in a club
[] got a scholarship
[] got an award
total: 2
**********************************
[x] fallen asleep in school DURiN CLASz
[x] gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class
[x] had your phone go off in class
[X]had your phone taken away?
[x] lied to a teacher?
total: 5
**********************************
[x] laughed so hard you cried in class
[]eaten lunch in the bathroom?
[x] missed more than a week at once of school
[x] excited for summer?
[] taking summer school?
total:3
Add up your total and times it by 2. then repost saying:"My school year was __% perfect |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|10:10 pm] |
goin to ecuador and this is the last time i will see my brother at least until next summer. and thats if i go to ecuador. but yea i wont be back until the beginning of july and then bak to my usual routine of cooking and cleanin around the house.
well until then and joseph u better be with her by the time i come back. If not i will take desperate measures. AND I CAN BE ANNOYING trust me i dont care if shes goin to puerto rico hawaii or timbuktu. GET WIT HER |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2006|11:52 pm] |
yay im bak.
so yea i almost died yesterday cuz i thought i was late for my finals. so i ran from my house to school witout stoppin. wen i got to school finals didnt start cuz the scheduale changed and then i was havin severe heart aches. im realizin that this shits gettin really worse and i might not be able to play soccer furtheron and thats total shit.
brighter note im goin to ecuador in a few days cuz my dad changed his mind. once in ecuador it will be the last time i probably see my brother in a while unless miraculously my step mother comes back.
anyways back to my lindo alausi and walking aimless in the caverns and mountain sides. and the waterfall. and then theres the stars u see perfectly. god dammit if i only had a girlfriend to take wit me. or at least a girl thats a friend best date in the world to have a pinic at nite on a roof or like near the waterfall. and its scary cuz the moon over there is gigantic and yea. oh well have to be alone again cuz its hard to get a girl over there witout sayin ur from the US. VIVA ECUADOR!!!
too bad i cant watch the game tom. BUT STILL I"LL BE ROOTING!!!. WOOOOO SI SE PUEDE
brighter note i mite be gettin a new guitar cuz i broke the other one out of anger.
more bright news JOSEPH GOT HIS CELL!!!!
and the best news of all SCHOOLS OVER!!!
woo two whole months of sleeping and being inside ur house all day cuz its too hot or no one wants to go out. and being alone in ur room playin non stop solitaire and eatin like crazy and once in a while go to the beach wit ur cousins u hate and then back to the monotonous routine of eating sleepin and watching tv. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|11:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mentira - la ley | ] |
well my brother left and im not goin to ecuador and im movin to either chicago penn or bloomfield over the summer. i wanted to get out of newark soooooo bad that now that i think about it its not that great. its like im running away. i dont no wat to feel anymore. i ran out of emotions and energy. sadness and depression r so known to me i can barely feel them. and i feel anger everyday that its diminished to a small dislike. i have no family no brother no home. only thing left rite now r the few four friends that i talk to and my dad. i havent touched my guitar in ages. its like i lost my erge and passion for my guitar. i can care less wat happens to it now. in fact im startin to get this hatred to my guitar cuz theres notin else to hate at. so many memories in my guitar. so much energy and happiness that my guitar brought. endless nights of playin either alone or to someone.
how i used to play my guitar to make my brother fall asleep he got so used to it he would start hittin my door grab my guitar and drag it to his bed and he would scream so i would play it for him. he is one smart fucker. or i would be playin mad soft in my room at midnight. and i would hear the bangs on my door and i would let my brother in. he would laugh everytime i fucked up and cursed. then i would fall asleep wit him next to me in my bedroom floor. for the two years that i've been with him i got so much out of him. so much happiness and tranquiity. i didnt apreciate him until now that hes actually gone. wat did i do wrong. y am i payin. y did i have my mother taken away and then i thought my brother was the answer my mom told me that a person dies so a new soul would come and i thought that to be my brother. but now hes gone too. wat am i supposed to do. am i dat of a bad person. and y is my brother payin too. to be raised witout a dad and to be in ecuador so far away. and my step mothers family is also a load of fuckin assholes and fuck heads. i dont want my brother to grow up to e one of them. i care less about myself but my brother is payin obviously for sometin i have done which i have no clue wat i did. like i said before i hate not being in control.
wasted so much energy tryin to keep my family intact. stop my parents from splittin. tryin to keep my family from killin me. tryin to keep my friends. its all useless.
in the end it seems u end up alone no matter what. alone and deprived from everything. just left blank. a space where a useless lil boy used to be. y im still alive i have no clue. y is my life like this again i have no clue. and i cant even expect a future cuz im dieing. so i cant say there mite be sometin better in the future. or things will reveal to urself in the future but the truth is i have no future. literally. so y cant my life be just a lil normal and a lil happy. just alil bit.
i want things to go how it was before. i no people say dont look into ur past. wats done is done. but i cant help it. y cant my life be how it was. normal with problems and sadness but happiness included. lots of hapiness. y am i so scared. y r my hands sweaty and trembling. y cant i go back to wen i had a mother friends family and perhaps a girlfriend lol. go back wen i had few problems my grades were great and i had a life a future and my health. y cant i have my brother back. my only reason for living. i would do anything, absolutely anything to get my brother back.
I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| undescribably day - the most fucked up day JUST FUCKING fucked up!!! |
[May. 28th, 2006|03:25 am] |
well lets see today started like any other day. a nice perfect sunny day wit the birds chirpping outside and the kids playin out in the side walk. almost too perfect. well i went for a walk and walked around like always then i got tired and i was all sweaty. so i arrive home. then sam ims me to go walk so im like ok took a shower and i was out again. pretty awesome just walkin around. wanted to chill wit paula but noooo she was busy babysittin. anywho it was awesome ate ice cream and walked in the park.
so then i dropped sam off and im like hmmm wat to do now. so i called joseph and he was at xaviers all day. i dont no wat they were doing and i intend on keeping it that way. but the point is he was there all day. so they were headed to the park to play basketball wit steven and ricardo so im like cool im goin. so at that evil wicked park i saw today tooo many times ricardo and steven were playin wit other unknown ppl so we chilled wit chris and justin that were there. we played with a broken frisbee and then a small soccer bal we found. i got kicked in the balls but it was all ok. so then we played basketball wit a lil kid that beasted on us and made us look pathetic but that was ok too. so then we headed to stevens house and me and joseph saw him naked taking a shower out the window. which was really weird. and he wanted to show us his penis which we wouldnt of been able to see from that far since its tiny. anyways me joseph xavier and chris ended up goin to the movies at like 8. we went to go see over the hedge which was hilarious. LETS CALL IT STEVE
OMG STEVE IS ANGRY AT US. and there was this part where the skunk turned into a cat which looked cute and joseph goes i'd hit that mad loud. movie was funny as hell.
and this squirell that kept saying I LOST MY NUTS.
anyway the movie ended and we were waiting for the bus at like 11. just chilled there having fun and talkin. bus came and we were headed home or so we thought. we ended up goin to the azorian feast which was stupid cuz we didnt do anything there. all bunched up and lots of ppl in like this small parking lot. so we were like hmm wat to do now so we decided to go to hamburgao. we walk over there and that fucking crap was closed. yes we walked all that way for nothing. so then we're like lets go to the park. so its like midnight and we're in the middle of the park. playing in the soccer field with a glass bottle. we were throwin it mad high and it didnt break it just bounced. so we decided to make it fun by aimin it at ourselves and justin almost hit xavier in the face cuz the retard was running toward it. anyways we got tired of it and sat there for a while until i decided to break the bottle. so then we were like dam wat to do now. so i being the cool and smart one say lets go to the childrens place and play on the fake rockclimbin wall. then all of a sudden xavier goes im going home. out of no where he goes im going home cuz of my mom. so he heads home which was weird. and me justin chris and joseph get to the swings and playing area. we stay there having mad fun on those springie thingies. mostly cuz my balls were hit everytime. but it was fun. goin on the slides and the monkey swings in the middle of the night. then all of a sudden a black dude appears and im like uh ohh but just one. so we kept playin then we see more so we started leaving. very very weird. then out of no where one dude walks up to us and pulls out a gun. one of those silver guns similar to the ones the cops carry and then we were all scarblling. then two other ones apear out of no where. they were all wearing freakin black and the fact that they were black made it even fuckin harder to see them. they put their hands in our pockets and they took chris's phone and wallet and they took justins phone and money and josephs phone. but me being the mexican wit experience didnt get anything taken. wen they searched my pckets im like wtf i just got my phone yesterday and now they're stealing it. so i put my phone to teh side of my pocket and they reach inside and felt nothing. so then im like wtf my wallet so i stick out my but and my wallet goes underneath by butt so they slapped my but to see if i had a wallet. but nothing then i see joseph handin his phone in and one of the black fuckers take out chris's wallet and and keys and then the other ones were emptin out justin. then i noticed that the other dude had a gun too and then one came behind me and put his knife to my neck. and the other dude with his gun on my chest. im like wtf i wanted to die but not this way. and then the other dude pointed the gun at chris an then to joseph and then to justin and the knife guy went to joseph and poked his arm. all of this while they were emptyin out our pockets. then they go ok we're not gonna take ur keys or ur phones. in fifteen minutes come to the exit and we'll leave ur phones there. so we're like wtf. and they run. justin runs after them and i pull out my phone and call the cops. joseph is shaking chris was spechless and im like dam.then justins comes back and hes like chris help me find the phones if those fuckers left them. so im like wtf cmon they took two $300 phones and a wallet with more than 200 dollars in them and 70 bucks from justin. they ait goin to leave shit. so then the cops get there in like half an hour and we told them everything and blah blah then the county cops got here cuz the regular cops couldnt do anything cuz we got robbed at the park. so then they get there in like 15 minutes so we filed the report and then they go well we cant do anything cuz u guys cant identify them. so we were like wtf. so that was it. they dropped off joseph. chris and justin walked me home and we walked fucking fast. i think we were running at one point thats how fast we were walking.
so yea lesson learned. no more midnight parks. no more parks period. at least for a while. i still cant feel the total effect. like i had two guns pointed at me but i still feel numb. like egh watever. i was too calm and that shit scares me. like i could have died but i feel nothing. except anger at those fuckers. like its the ironbound our own neighborhood and now black ppl come in out of nowhere and rob u. in the middle of the park. thats fucked up. joseph was shakin and pissed. i think sad too cuz of his phone. justin was just furious punching everything. chris wasnt talkin much. he just kept silent and like a scared expression on his face. i was just energetic and listening to ring tones. i really dont no wtf is wrong wit me. i felt the seriousnes. i felt the anger. i felt the guilt cuz i no it was my fault they got robbed. like wtf i was the one that told them to go to the playarea and i didnt get robbed. but they did. them for following me get robbed and i dont. wat kind of fucked up shit is that. that is y i fucking hate god for being unfair. or maybe im goin to pay later ten times worse. who knows but i have no control over it and it fucking pisses me off.
then at home im telling xavier and hes like oh i saw them wen i was headed home sitting on the bench mad quiet. that got me scare more so i walked faster. i should have call u guys to warn u.
like the coincidence just pisses me off. how everything is connected and we cant see anything and it happens no matter wat. no control of anything. how xavier gets a weird feeling and leaves. and the thought that i've been at the park four times in the same day. and all of those four times i was at the play area at least once. how does that fuckin happen. and first time i spend a nite out like that and boom. first nite out wit my cell and boom. like $1000 dollars wasted in one nite.
josephs phone 300
justins phone 300
chris's phone 50-80
justins money 70
chris wallet 70 bucks gift cards wit 70 in them each.
my change 60 cents
and all of this my fucking fault. |
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| la ligne interminable de beaucoup foutaise |
[May. 26th, 2006|12:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | me gustas tu - Manu Chao (fellow ecuadorian/french WOOOO!!!) | ] |
lets say i havent posted a real enry in a while so u can imagine wat i have to say. the usual dark entry wit no point but just an outlet
( long and pointless ) |
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| hoy te toca ser feliz - Mago De Oz |
[May. 23rd, 2006|11:29 pm] |
Cuando un sueño se te muera
o entre en coma una ilusión,
no lo entierres ni lo llores, resucítalo.
Y jamás des por perdida
la partida, cree en ti.
y aunque duelan, las heridas curarán.
Hoy el día ha venido a buscarte
y la vida huele a besos de jazmín,
la mañana esta recién bañada,
el Sol la ha traído a invitarte a vivir.
Y verás que tú puedes volar,
y que todo lo consigues.
Y verás que no existe el dolor,
hoy te toca ser feliz.
Si las lágrimas te nublan
la vista y el corazón,
haz un trasvase de agua
al miedo, escúpelo.
Y si crees que en el olvido
se anestesia un mal de amor,
no hay peor remedio
que la soledad.
Deja entrar en tu alma una brisa
que avente las dudas y alivie tu mal.
Que la pena se muera de risa,
cuando un sueño se muere
es porque se ha hecho real.
Y verás que tú puedes volar
y que todo lo consigues.
Y verás que no existe el dolor,
hoy te toca ser feliz.
Las estrellas en el cielo
son solo migas de pan
que nos dejan nuestros sueños
para encontrar
el camino, y no perdernos
hacia la Tierra de Oz,
donde habita la ilusión
great song cool lyrics
too bad its all a bunch of crap and none of it is true.
wat kind of shit is this. but cool song. |
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| BOYS DONT CRY - THE CURE |
[May. 11th, 2006|10:46 pm] |
I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
if i could only bring her back |
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| wooooooo |
[May. 1st, 2006|03:06 am] |
so this weekend has been pretty awesome
saturday was me and josephs thingie cuz we didnt do anything for our birthdays. it was just perfect. a day of relaxing and being wit close friends. playing guitar eating and just playin video games while talkin about stupid stuff and playin intense basketball wit josephs and jao's sounds lmao and boniek was all happy cuz he could dunk lmao
it was hilarious everyone goin crazy and playin basketball like morons lmao
then me and xavier and joseph were humping eachother. and joseph and edyna kept touching my big long green and purple penis wit stiff legs.
and sunday was the same thing. even better cuz joseph and jonathan said i looked ripped lmao i guess my gym workouts r payin off or maybe it was the stupid tight shirt i forgot to change out of. and boniek's famous fart LMFAO oh man. lmao so me joseph jonathan and boniek r walkin down ferry and since im so athletic i decide to jump a puddle. and boniek behind me decides to do the same so he jumps and wen he lands he farts. and not a small regular fart but one of those farts you've been holdin in and that ppl a block away can hear. so then he keeps walkin like nothing happened and then i see these two hot girls were rite behind him and make these faces lmao and then they cross the street and thats where boniek goes oh i didnt no anyone heard. i didnt think it was goin to be that loud lmfao
then at lafayette school jonathan says hey there might be balls on the roof if only i can climb it.
so me being the stupid attention seeker said hey i can climb it. and i did. very easily. i looked all cool and professional like a spy or jackie chan i get up there and there werent any balls at all. except for this pencil case which joseph kept for no reason watsoever.
then im panickin cuz i realize i cant get down. im like shit how am i goin to get down. then this lady walks in to the parking lot and then leaves. i finally get down and me and jonathan decide to climb a garbage can truck thingie. and then the cops arrive. apparently the stupid woman called the cops. so me jonathan and boniek run our asses off. and joseph stays walking. lmao
and then at jonathans house i made joseph bleed from his nose cuz i slapped him. UNINTENTIONALLY
then we just chilled in his room talkin and playin video games. perfect day once again.
who needs girls wen u hav the company of close friends u can just spend a regular day just doin nuttin and relaxin instead of doin stupid shit wit ppl u dont no. |
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| ::sigh:: back to my fav band i miss those days. |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
most Fav greatest song from jimmy eat world
cool lyrics cool guitar part.
23
I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
Im still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I wont always love these selfish things
I wont always live
Not stopping
It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what I'll never have
I wont always live in my regret
Youll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here I'm now Im ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine |
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| te quiero tanto - onda vase... was watching reruns of mi pequeña traviesa lol sad |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|02:49 am] |
dammit this suks been sick and i cant stop coughing and its freakin spring break which so far has been awesome. ::pfft::
jonathan left for virginia so there goes my spring break and joseph will be somewhere wit baseball so another birthday alone.
i was thinking of goin to liberty park cuz me and my mom used to go there and eat ice cream durin the summer. and we would just stay in the harbor talkin or just takin pictures. kinda feel like shit though returnin there alone. but its better than stying home
last year for my birthday i bought this cool belt which i lost yea great birthdays i've had. at least i get to get my permit. wooooo
on brighter news i think im startin to fall for this girl.
i mean i always saw her and talked to her. but lately its like i really cant stop thinking about her. or wen something reminds me of her i get all weirded out. but me being wit her will never happen. so that makes my hopes rise alot.
so far in this wonderful spring break i've realized it really does suk to be me lol. i think i've gone out twice so far and thats only to jonathans house. and my bike broke so i cant take those bike rides to the white neighborhoods past harrison and kearny. i've been over there so many times i really dont no wat the hell the town is called. hopefully i'll live over there wen i get older. or some place like that. but as life is goin i'll be thankful if i still get to live in my fathers house.
so i have to start doing hw which i wont do cuz im really really lazy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2006|12:54 am] |
| [ | music |
| | so contagious acceptance | ] |
today was a calm day. just a normal blah day. except for like last period. i had chem last period and they were givin out the forms to get into the ECC chemistry or sometin like that. yea i didnt qualify cuz my science average is a C. fucking balsamel. hope he dies and burns in hell. in other awesome news my brother is goin to ecuador in a few years wit my dad probably. so that means i wont be able to see my brother anymore. yup turnin out to be a great one. more great news this girl walkin bak from jonathans house made a rude gesture that made me feel like shit. i hav to admit she was pretty so i looked at her. and she gave a remark in wat ur ugly ass looking at u big eared freak yup. quite a way to end ur day. and umm lets see. to add to the list i failed english. straight up f in my thrid cycle. yup lifes goin great. so great to the point i mite do sometin stupid.
i cant help it its like someone wants me to do it. like someone is pressuring me to just fucking end it
this is gettin worse and worse and its not stopping. can i just get a break for once in my life. just once where i can acctually smile wit honesty and put my heart into that smile witout any consequence. witout the fear of having sometin really really shitty or fucking unfair happen to me as a result of my sin of smiling.
i really cant remember wat it feels like to be happy. or to smile witout being fake. or to laugh witout having that empty feeling left wen u stop laughin.
the feeling of being liked or loved and have someone hug u.
maybe thats y i hug ppl alot. seeking attention and warmth so desperately to the point i look sad and weak. or to some gay. i feel so fuckin alone. no one to relate to. no one to talk to. no one to just dump all this shit inside me and just scream my fucking head off. so closed in. so empty. so numb.
do i even wait until my birthday. to have my father just ignore me that day. totally oblivious to how i feel. ussually insult me and say wat a fuckin loser i am.
if im lucky maybe i'll die tomorrow.
tired of fightin to be happy. tired of fuckin strugglin to get my fathers attention. tired of trying to find that one moment of bliss
but wen has life been nice to me. i'll probably live to be fucking 100 and die alone in a cold bed. thats if i have a bed. |
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